is your mom at the bar?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
