I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
