Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
