he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
