I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
