Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you win again, gameday.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
