I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
