I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Fuck appropriateness.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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