i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
