Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
