well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
