How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
