She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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