....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
