Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
