A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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