Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
