I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
