after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
