guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
