dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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