Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize