Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
