Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
