How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
