I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
