pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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