I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You need Xanax blowdarts
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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