I wanna bring you to show and tell
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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