my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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