We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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