just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
