Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So many bounce houses so little time
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
