It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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