I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
