I wish I could teleport
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
