Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
