You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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