Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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