If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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