so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
