i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just found puke in my bra..
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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