is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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