You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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