She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
