omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize