he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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