come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
