He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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