i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I deserve this hangover.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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