dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Randomize
