Got a toothbrush?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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