i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
