I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize