So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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