but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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