I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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