Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
