I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
