she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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