he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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