You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize