bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
