You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
