A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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