Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
