I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
