I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
