There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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