I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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