I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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