i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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